Ciro16

Hello again friends! It has been awhile, hasn't it? Sorry for all the past weirdness and silence, turns out being an A-Dult is a hard and very confusing thing, but after many, many break downs and run arounds I can say that I will be returning to deviant art!



Soon.


But first, how about a lil' contest? Not really a contest in the traditional sense, bit more a collaborative fun time thing! And since the spookining month is upon us, what better way to come back to Deviantart and friends than with a spooky drawing challenge!

The entirety of this challenge will revolve around a lovely lil' town called...
Silent Hill...

Oh yes my lovelies, for the entirety of the month of October, the challengers will be tasked with encountering their deepest darkest fears.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Silent Hill franchise, Silent Hill is a town plagued monsters, but the monsters you encounter in the game are reflections of your own twisted psyche. The town is a broken place, for broken people and will make you face your inner demons in order for you to learn from your mistakes.

The rules are simple. The Challengers must draw a minimum of six to ten monsters, (including boss monsters), reflective of their inner or hidden insecurities, fears, and regrets. You must then give a sort of profile of your monster, such as forms of attack, movements and places in Silent Hill where it can be found.

But you cannot directly tell us what your monsters represent. Silent Hill is known for it's symbolism, so you must let the monster speak for itself. When it is done everyone else has to guess what your monster represents and we can get a whole discussion going. It's like a game of charades. A deeply disturbing game of charades.

Also no Pyramid Head. Spirit guides/ Pyramid Head-esque monsters are fine, but no coping out and claiming PH as your big monster daddy. PH is JAME'S monster and JAME'S monster alone. Go make your own.

And that's about it! The challenge officially ends on the 31st of October so get get cracked mi munchkins and have fun!

I'll be tagging friends and fam and other awesome artists to get down onnit but everyone else is free to join!

Thanks for stickin' around with me and have yoselves a wonderful day!
LATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHS!!!
demongirl99 SodaNebula ZCrims megakyurem4188 DarkBagel LiberLibelula Chizu-PS PencilTree lydia-san Sadovod-Ogorod Qwark-tastic GlitchyBitz Zivylla JackieCoco

Well, here we are again.

Its been a while hasn't it? Since my last update and what not. Many of you are probably wondering where the art is or where I have been, and to tell you the truth, I don't even know the answer to that.

To tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I want to draw, I want to get my stories out, I want to be here with you guys, hanging out with you guys, making things together. But the harsh reality is that I can't. I've lost my spark. To be honest, the more time goes on, the more the world grows more harrowing and vindictive, the more I faith I lose in myself.

My friends are moving on, finding cooler better friends and doing better things without me. My family, as loving and wonderful as they are, are now strangers to me. Hell, I'm a stranger to myself. Before I may have had a few hiccups here and there but I knew what I wanted. Now, I don't even know if anything is worth anything anymore.

I wanna scream at the world, I wanna grab my friends by the shoulders and cry into their faces, but that would make me an attention whore. I wanna share my love with you guys and show you how I feel, but that would make me creepy or whiny. I feel my only other recourse is to hole my self up in this walled off enclosure and keep myself locked up, even then that'll just make me a coward. I'm literally going mad with all, why am I such a mess? Why am I like this? Why does everything I do just wither away?

Well... I know the answer, but its not a good one. Not like it matters. There's nothing in this world that really matters much anyways. No matter how hard we try to stand out and make our lives it'll all be for naught.

Fuck. Never really wanted this journal to end up so bitchy. But whatever. I guess that happens when you decide to make an update while you're emotional. Ish. I dunno what to call whatever this is.

Just know that I am still alive for now and I'm just chugging along.

I'm gonna stop talking now. Feel free to ignore this, sorry...

So... I gotta level with you guys. Any of you who are still watching intently or even care. This is mostly gonna be rant journal, but its going to be very hard to write, because these are things that are quite personal and... Well I have a hard time letting people in. Any ways lemme start by saying this...

I'm not happy.
I have high functioning depression.

What that means is I can look and act totally fine, act like,my goofy wierd self.
But that's all it is. An act. A façade put on so that I don't burden those that I care about with even more baggage.

I know what most of you are thinking. "Why Ciro, why don't you just talk with us or your family about it," or "Ciro, you should really see a shrink if you're feeling this way."

That's all well and good. But that's also really naive of you to say. Do any of you really wanna hear what I'm really thinking or feeling? Do you really wanna listen to all of the dark shit in my head, the self destructive malarchy that I believe? History has dictated that that answer is no. And I have fewer friends because of it. Do you have any idea what it's like when you're told that and when you do open up, you're either ignored or told to keep it to yourself or, my personal favorite, told to die quietly so that everyone else can get on in peace?

If you have, then you are few forgotten souls in this indifferent society and you have my sympathies.

So yeah, I usually don't open up. Because despite how wonderful you all are, some of you more than others, you're still just strangers. Faceless strangers on the other side of the globe. With lives of your own. Its none of your business what goes on in mine.

And for those of you who I don't consider strangers or want to not make strangers, please understand that when I message you frequently, I do so because I care. I know it sound superbly selfish, and you're right it is. I hate it. I hate clingy people and its one of the many thing I hate about myself. But when another can look past that and tell me about the things I'm doing right, well... It kinda makes life that much more bearable. And god... That just sounds like some of the most awful shit...

I'm sorry... I really am, I'm really writing down all this as it comes to mind. This is, after all, a rant. But still I'm sure most of you don't care about my feelings and only watched for the good ol' anime gobbly goodness... Well... I've been finding it hard to do that recently.

My creative spark isn't what it was... Actually.. No. That's a lie. It's sharper than it ever has been. It's my motivation that's dying. Much like my motivation for everything else really.

I get these urges to draw or do something great when I'm at work or somewhere else where I can't do what I want, and when I do, it just fizzles. Vanishes into nothing. Then I go back to occupying myself with videogames, YouTube, porn or whatever my mind can get into. Feel like I'm getting the run around from my own mind and I'm getting tired of it. And my current living situation isn't helping.

Penniless, stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by loving family that don't really see any use or any importance in your interests and hobbies and instead project their ideals on you, even though these ideals have kept them in the same state as you're in for years. Also there's the fact that I can be homeless in no time flat if certain payments aren't made and with me being the only stable source of income, it kinda sucks that I work a job who intentionally keeps their employees poor in order to force them to work for them. So... Set's kinda the first and last thing on my mind right now.

I just feel like I'm just drifting on until my inevitable end. Call me out on my Bullshit, defend yourselves, call me a crying lil' white privileged first world problem crybaby bitch who should just die, I don't care. Just don't be surprised if I take your advice.

Welp, I've said enough and will probably lose friends and followers in the morning. I'm done. Its 4 a.m. in the morning and I need sleep. If it'll come.

I hear them... They're out there, waiting... Watching with those eye's of theirs...
Everyones already gone, taken by those.... things. I can hear them outside.sounds like them. but it's not them.

I don't know how long I have. I have flashlights at all the doors and windows, but it wont keep the others out. 
I saw what they did... my family... friends.... even my cat.... now them...

I don't want that. I won't be that... Hopefully this gun will spare me. fingers crossed.

I hear them. they're coming.. They're coming....

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
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Don't touch me.
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Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
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Wattup Peoples! 
This is Ciro here with an important public announcement!!
Fury: You're actually gonna get a life and start producing art on a weekly basis instead of ghosting everyone like the prick you are?
.... Nooo... Tho I am working on that...
I just joined a Youtubing group and will actually get my feet wet on Youtube!!
Inno: EYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!    

Inno.. Chill... Anyways yeah! I'm joining a Youtube gaming community and will be a co-show host/graphic designer on the channel and if you guys wanna see some goodies and get to hear what I sound like, give that channel a subscribe! We could really use all of the support and it would make me a very proud Senpai.

Here's the link! ^^
www.youtube.com/user/LagginOut


Please give us a watch and subscribe! Hopefully this will get me the motivation to push out mor art and content like lil' media babies! I hope ta see ya on the channel soon!

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHS!!!!